I Broke a Nail

I put the scale away because NO.

I'm eating 1760 calories a day, macros are 40p, 40f, 20c and I broke a nail, split it right down the middle trying to get my rings off to work out.
Sheesh! I am so swollen with water and fat.  Ok, I'm suppose to believe that it's not fat, it's all water.  Uh huh.  Sure, I'll play along.  That's why I put the scale away.

Measurements-the same as they've always been since high school.  Yippee.  I'm not going to bother with measuring again, it never changes.  Needless to say, clothes fit a little more snug but pretty much exactly the same as always.  And yes, my jeans are the same ones from high school.  Back when they made them from real denim instead of thin cotton.  Lasts forever, which is why they aren't making them to last anymore.  Job security.  Now that's it's shorts and t-shirt weather again, who needs jeans anyway?

So.  Any muscle?  Nope.  I've gone up 20 pounds in deadlifts but honestly, legs can lift much more than they tell me.  I'm probably not even lifting my max weight, just my too afraid to lift more weight.  Which is a paltry...105lbs. 
I am such a cream puff.

A Leap of Faith

I'm officially going off the diet.  I've, of course, been absolutely perfectly keeping my calories at 1300 and my macros at 40p, 40f, 20 carbs.

I have lost no weight, actually just bouncing up and down between 161.5 and 163.  I have seen no gains in my workouts.

Now I can do this for a few weeks, months, years, just to be sure that my body has time to acclimate, but I've pretty much given this whole, "eat less," thing a try for 30 years and it hasn't taken yet.  I can eat less than anyone, no cheating, no problem and it's not helped me in the slightest.  It seems to work great for a few days and then I have to eat less.  And when I'm down to 300 calories a day and 1.5 hours at the gym, the only way to lose more is to stop eating entirely for a few days.  Been there, done that.  If that worked, why am I not muscular and thin?  I work out enough and eat with enough care.  

Leap of faith.
I did actually increase my calories by 200 last week one day and promptly gained 2 pounds.  I also did not see huge workout gains.  It can go both ways, can't it?  I'm just choosing to listen to the world...but isn't this what went wrong in the first place?  They said eat less, I did. Now they say to eat more, should I?  They were wrong the first time.  I think I have to try this and maybe find truth along the way.  I don't want to get fat but what I am doing is not working.  Time to try something else.  That's logical, isn't it?

Also, I've been having terrible head-rushes the last couple of days.  I usually get these when I'm losing weight but there's been no weight loss.  

Body Composition

Also, most bodybuilders are dumb.  How is it that THEY can figure out how to build muscle but I can't?  It canNOT be that they are all genetically gifted and this just falls into their lap.  No.  That's impossible.  That's another reason I'm going to eat more.  

I'm going to do this.  

I'm going to eat more.  I don't know how since there's so much that I can't eat, but I have to...somehow...eat more.
 

 Here's a couple of my meals.  6oz of shrimp, mushrooms, guacamole. 6oz of salmon and green beans.  And somehow I have to get more food on those plates and I don't know how.

Liars, Nutrition, and Bodybuilders

So I'm trying to get more calories and trying to make my macros 40p, 40f, 20c.

It's very very tricky if you don't eat grains, to get enough calories.  And frankly, I don't see how anyone who DOES eat grains can ever get 20c a day.  Sometimes my SALADS tip me over 20c and it's just friggin' lettuce and tomatoes and vegs!  Add rice or bread and you internet people HAVE to be lying about what you're eating.  And this right here is why I never believed anyone about how much their eating yet competing as bodybuilders.  In the 80s, you'd have Ah-nold saying no white death (white flour, white sugar, white rice) and Stallone saying, "eat something that had a face and a salad," versus the juicers going on about eating multiple pizzas and sweating like pigs at night, trying to sleep, feeling the 'roids burn all the calories.
And today we have flat out liars who don't know dick but sure have a lot to say for themselves anyway.


Example: "Use a whole-wheat soft tortilla, smear a small amount of low-fat mayonnaise on top, and add in a pre-grilled chicken breast, shredded lettuce, cucumbers, and tomatoes." 
Ok, do you NOT realize how much sugar/carbs is in that?  And Frankenfats because what is mayo?  It's simply oil, vinegar, and eggs in a blender.  What do you suppose a low-fat version could be made from since the main ingredient that makes it what it is, is now low fat?  Well, not a food item.  And a wheat tortilla?  Pure sugar, the most simple carb ever made.  Your saliva turns it to digestible sugar as soon as you start chewing.  And how much chicken/protein should you add to off-set the vegs and the sugar and the frankenfat to count as a high protein snack?  Yeah.  Exactly. 

Stupid.

Here's another full of nuts and yogurt.  I make yogurt.  It's not some mystic health infused magical protein of the gods. 1 cup of yogurt has the same amount of protein as a cup of milk.  Matter of fact, just call it a cup of milk and be done because that's it, man.  It's just milk and bacteria, no magic. Not much protein.  Drink a gallon or 2 of milk a day like Dave Draper but let's get over the magic yogurt phenomena.

And nuts.  Very little protein but heaps of fat.  Sure, it's the good fat but everyone says they didn't drop any weight until they got off the nuts for snacks.  So are any of these great snack choices?  Honestly, are they better than a freakin' Snickers bar?

I don't know what IS a good snack, which is why I looked for answers, but there is so much bad information out there, it's absolutely crazy. 

From now on, I want to see a pic of anyone posting nutritional info online.  I'm checking for body fat and steroid use, shouldn't leave me much nonsense to weed thru at all!

Giving My Body to the Internet

I got a physical.   

He didn't mention weight loss, my blood pressure is great, and then they took my blood.

A week later, someone calls and tells me that my cholesterol is very high and the doctor wants me to eat less fat, sugar, and exercise more.

And this is AFTER I told him that I have IBS and control it with diet. No grains, no sugars (certainly no processed foods), just meat and vegs and fruit.  For YEARS!  I am the living, breathing definition of eating clean.

I asked for my cholesterol number, even though she had, "already put my file away and had to get it out again."

Bitch? Seriously?

258.

So I eat perfectly. I work out everyday, weights and cardio and I'm about to die from a heart attack?

Can't be right.  I have an iphone, apps to the rescue!  I started tracking my cholesterol and calories.  Ok, clearly I'm eating too much.  I can eat less. I can always eat less.  If I could only lower my calories I might actually reach my goal weight, which had remained elusive except for one afternoon, when I got all the way down to 127 pounds--and then ate lunch and that was the end of that! Of course, to get there, I biked for 30 minutes every day, then hit the weights for an hour, and did this all with 1 Lean Cuisine a day.  In 5 months, I lost 50 pounds and to get that final 5, I stopped eating for 3 days and went to a water park to burn as many calories as I possibly could!  Voila!  Success! So I can do this!  I can drop more calories.  As long as I'm eating, I can drop more calories.  Noooooooooo problem.  

After a week, know what I learned? My average daily cholesterol is 66 (300 is the norm) and my average daily calories is 777.  Huh. 

Ok, I know I don't eat a LOT but that seems low. Apparently, some days I only eat 300 calories.  Sometimes more, but never more than 777.  And OBVIOUSLY, high cholesterol ain't coming from what I'm eating.  My liver is making it all on it's own with no help from me.  But why?  Why is my body making so much cholesterol?  I did some research and messed up thyroid and starvation both raise cholesterol. Matter of fact starvation messes up thyroids.  I see a viscous circle forming.  So much for dropping calories.  It ain't making me thin yet, it's just keeping me from getting fatter, actually. 

Sigh.

You know how diets have for years said to lower your calories to 1200 and I'd laugh and say there's no way I can eat all that food! Yeah, well seriously, not only was I never overeating but I started looking at what my calories should be for my height and all.  It's like 1800. The internet says I need to be eating 1800 just to maintain.

Huh.

And then the internet says to add 500 extra calories to build muscle.  And gee, I guess it's not shitty genetics why I never built an ounce of muscle in the 38 years I've been lifting. 

Ok, internet. I have turned my life over to you.  I'm eating.  I'm eating so much that it hurts.  I'm up to 1300.  It's so hard to eat so much. Eating too much has always triggered my IBS and this is not helping.  I'm eating a lot of SCD yogurt and...well, eating. Nuts and olive oil are my constant companions to raise those daily calories and oils are another trigger so...this is so difficult.